Government historians have supressed the truth for years but this time the facts can be revealed. Believe it or not. There once lived a tribe of unusually big-titted Englishwomen called the Soboobas. They led an isolated existence in the dense forests not far from Nottingham, where they lived off the land and also lapdanced for extra wampum. It was very difficult for ’em to find properly fitting brassieres so they dressed in fake animal skins. The Soboobas were raised by scouts for the Cleveland Indians and Atlanta Braves, who trained them in the art of Tomahawk swinging and cock dancing. At times, demented fellows (resembling LinseysWorld videographers) would stumble out of the forest, mumbling words that sounded like “hooters” and “tentpole.” No one believed their ridiculous babble until one brave, hopelessly insane fellow returned with one hand clenched around a video cassette, the other round his peacepipe. The princess of the Soboobas was called Boobahontas. This is her story. Until Disney remakes it. Let’s roll the video tape, and watch where you swing that ax, baby!